In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
