ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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