That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
