Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
