Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
my poor anus
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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