I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
