just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
