You work out of a Hotel?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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