My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
