I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
