Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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