i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
