I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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