the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
