I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
