quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Couch. On fire.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
