dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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