Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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