He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
