I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
