Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
