I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
