You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize