Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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