I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
