I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
