Porn is love you can see.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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