haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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