I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
