Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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