Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
