and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think I just shit out all my problems.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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