Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
