Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
