I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
