5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
