I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
