this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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