You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
