The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
