if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
they need to just BURY HIM!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
