Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
