ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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