I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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