McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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