i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
