my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
vagina is talking i cant
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
