I think I died a long time ago.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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