I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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