Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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