i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
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