He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
