The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
